Missing You

I miss his voice and the way he says “I love you, Baby ko!”.

I miss his embrace.

I miss his kiss and how it always felt like our first.

I miss the way he kiss me on my nose (aww).

I miss the way he holds my hand ever so tight.

I miss the way he looks into my eyes when we talk.

I miss the way he wipes my tears when I cry and says “Ohh? Baby.. tama na please..”

I miss our everyday dates.

I miss the way he says “Sorry na Baby..”

I miss our movie dates.

I miss the nights na magkatabi kami natutulog tapos pagkagising ko, wala na sya sa tabi ko kasi nagtatrabaho na sa likod pero kapag tinext ko na na gising na ko, nagtatakbo pa papunta sa kwarto tapos sasabihing, "Baby, tara na! kakain na tayo!"

I miss walking hand-in-hand with him, just strolling around.

I miss him doing the lip sync inside the car.

Miss ko na rin yung pagkain namin sa KFC na wala syang ginawa kundi bumili ng Mashed Potato kasi favorite ko yun.

Miss ko yung pagbitbit nya ng bag ko.

Namiss ko yung pagtakip nya sakin para di ako mainitan, yung pag alalay nya sakin pag tatawid sa daan. Yung pag akbay nya sakin pag naglalakad.

I miss the way he changes his voice everytime I answer the phone pretending he was somebody else. Kunwari sya si Daddy nya. "hello, anak?" Hahaha

I miss how he manages the make me feel so good whenever were together.

I miss the way he moves his lips and says “I love you” silently. Lalo na pag nakasakay na ko ng tricycle, or pag andyan yung mga relatives nya sa paligid.

Miss ko na yung pagbuhat nya sakin.. swear!

I miss the thought of being with him in the future.

Miss ko yung pag alam nyang galit ako dahil di sya kagad ngtext or nalowbat sya.. at tapos pagtinawagan ko, "Baby, sorry. Nalowbatt ako kasabay ng I love you, Asawa ko!"

miss kung paano sya naiinis din sakin pag di ako nagrereplyan at sasabihin nyang "San ka na Baby? ansaya naman ata dyan!"

Miss ko ung pag sama nya sakin sa supermarket, tapos ssbihin nya "Baby, ano gusto mo? Kahit ano kuha ka na dali!"

I miss our conversations and how we always end up having the same thought.

I miss his scent and how it lingers in my consciousness even if were not together anymore.

I miss our out-of-the-blue crazy trips.

Miss ko na yung pagdating ko sa kwarto nyang ubod ng gulo! Hahaha

I miss the feeling of excitement before each date. (SOBRAAAA!!! mis ko yan!)

I’ll miss the sight of him waiting for me dun sa may Chowking Crossing.

I miss his goodnights.

I miss the way he says “I miss you na baby ko!”

I miss calling him Halimaw! hahaha

I miss how he rubs his nose against mine and feeling that somehow everything will be fine.

I miss hugging him whenever he turns to me and says “Pa hug nga Baby!”

I miss worrying about him when he’s sick / and him vice versa

I miss the way he teases me pag hinahawakan nya bilbil ko. or minsan sasabihan ako ng "Pumapayat ang Baby ko ah!"

I miss the way he looks kapag galit talga sya.. at sasabihi nyang "Si Baby talaga walang diskarte sa buhay.." pero maya maya tatawa na. Hahaha

I miss the way he looks at me from afar and makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

I miss his composed and relax self whenever we fight.

namiss ko yung pagkagat nya sa likod ko tapos yung pagsuntok ko sa kanya na kinagagalit nya. Hahaha

I miss how we always end up happy and laughing after every fight.

I miss how he manages to make me laugh in my crying moments. Pangit kasi nya umiyak kapag sinabayan ako sa pag-iyak. Hahaha

I miss the feeling of being happy knowing the he’s just there loving me.

<3

BEHIND ALL THESE, I JUST WANT TO SAY, I MISS YOU, BABY! ;)

LOVE UNTOLD

Someone once asked me what does the expression "love untold" mean. I couldn't explain it very well at the time. Considering it now, it has the uderlying meaning of loving someone dearly but without them fully understanding exactly how much you do. So it made me think, what if a person lived their entire life not knowing the Lord loves them?

Oftentimes a person is hesitant to tell someone how they feel in fear of rejection or feelings being unrequited. However in this case we know God loves man, 'we' being those who have touched the Lord's love. I guess I come to realize we shouldn't be so afraid to tell others that God loves them. Even if the feeling wasn't mutual, wouldn't you still want to know? Even if your're weren't expecting it or not interested, wouldn't it better to know in case one day there was a change in heart? As the banner song goes, the goal of the gospel is that loving the Lord Jesus with our best love...

Lately I've also been pressed with the words proper understanding. Sometimes people try to fully analyze and figure things out before taking action. They need "proper understanding" or reassurance. It is important to be rational and soberminded. However there is also our instinct and intuition which we shouldn't completely ignore. A lesson to learn is not only listen and trust the leading of the Spirit, but also to obey. I remember reading from a ministry excerpt, if we are unwilling to obey, why should the Lord bother speaking and enlightening us on particular matters? Guess our whole being needs to be before Him.

WALK AWAY

How can someone say goodbye to people without them thinking that you’re abandoning them? How I can explain to old ones that my ”walking away” is just temporary while I’m finding my way back to my own self… to re-gain strength and fill the loss. I have run out of words. I’m scared that I’m feeling I have run out of love to share. Half of my life was spent sharing and that nothing has been left to spare.

To strangers, friends and blog-hoppers… thanks for spending time reading the write-ups. To my family, I wish I can always go back home and you’ll see just the way the world and the people see me as I am. I may have not been totally good as everyone perceived, but I cannot remember any instance that I failed to show compassion I’ve struggled to show. You have always been prioritized… in my 22 years of existence… would it not be too much to ask, that the remaining years be spared of to me.

As I close this, I wish everyone a good life, a good journey and a heart filled with compassion. May the good Lord constantly shower us with blessings and guide as always towards meeting Him halfway. Maraming Maraming Salamat God is watching over us… Include me in your prayers…

“Loving too much is not a guarantee that they’ll gonna love you back.” -Pia

I BELIEVE THAT..

I believe that:

1. There is a God for it would take a Supreme Being.
2. There is magic during Christmas time because even the grouchiest person I know is all smiles during this time and, believe it or not, it has nothing to do with the receiving of gifts but with the GIVING.
3. There are ghosts. Nakakakita ako e.
4. There are angels for no wind can carry me nor my cousin safely to the ground tuwing mahuhulog kami sa kama.
5. Man is essentially good except when you take away his most precious and most revered possession.
6. True financial freedom defined as being free from any worries about what you have to pay and where you have to get your next pamasahe or pangkain is a hoax. You only stop worrying about money when you are dead. However, proper financial management is something that everyone should do.
7. Hindi lahat ng may business ay mayaman. Minsan, palagi kang breakeven lang lalo na't nagsisimula ka lang.
8. Lack of jobs is not our country's most pressing problem. We have lots of jobs. The problem lies in finding people qualified. Ergo, what we need is quality education.
9. You should not use poverty as an excuse para magbenta ng laman. There are other ways to earn money without losing your dignity.
10. The things you do today would have an impact on your tomorrow so make sure that you plan and live your life well.
11. When all else fail, a prayer uttered from the heart can save your day.
12. What you have, you hone it and you share it. Remember the parable of the talents? God did not give you a strong mind to keep to yourself. E di sana ginawa ka na lang nyang halaman?!
13. Everything...EVERYTHING...happens for a reason. It might not be apparent now but soon you would realize what the reason is.
14. The people that make up the Church are sinners since they are also human (Read: priests, popes, ministers, etc.) but that doesn't mean that the Church is based on lies. Analogy: Just because a teacher raped a student doesn't mean that all teachers are rapists and that the whole concept of education is all about sex and violence.
15. You CANNOT please everybody. If you want to please everybody and be friends with everybody, you have to do some thinking. Uhm, baka nawawalan ka na ng sarili mong uniqueness at nakiki-ride ka na lang sa lahat ng tao. Soon, you'd find yourself being pushed aside.
16. You CANNOT have someone forgive AND forget what you've done. God gave us the ability to hold memories so that we could learn from our mistakes - both your and the person you have offended. Whether that learning is about letting go of someone or accepting the other's shortcomings is something that you have to figure out.

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Broke My Heart

Dear CoolBlue,

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

That is what they say about women who are rejected by the ones they love. Believe me, I could have gone that route. When I read your answer, I was so consumed by hurt. My pride got hurt. Being the proud person that I am, I wanted to diss you right there and then. It wasn’t much about the content as it was about the delivery. You could have emailed me personally or you could have texted me or you could have done it in a more subtle way - by just putting the words “Meron” or “Wala”. That was what I said in my text, right? Because I don’t need any explanations. It would only make things more complicated. I wouldn’t want you to sugar coat it either.

You might be surprised with this letter. You might think, “Ano na naman ba ‘to?”. Well, when a part of you hurts, you have to do something to make the pain go away. The pain is not about being rejected. I have been down this road a couple of times before. The pain is about being rejected in front of so many people. Strong as I am, I don’t have the ability to handle public rejection quite well.

When I read your letter I wanted so much to make you feel the pain. I know I could do that. I have done something like that before. I have almost ruined someone’s life because of my selfishness. But instead I opted to do the only mature thing to do - I let it pass. I replied to you in private, I hope you got it. I opted to suffer in silence. I opted to carry this on my own because, in the first place, this was something that I should have been ready for.

But allow me to just clear this - just because I told you how I feel doesn’t mean that I want us to be “us”. I just want you to know, nothing more, nothing less. If the feeling is mutual, good. If it’s not, it’s okay. I also have my own priorities and problems that any relationship at this point in time would just end in failure because I don’t have enough time. I’m sure you know that. I’m sure you know how I went for 5 days with so little sleep and food. It wasn’t my first time to do that. I have been doing that for quite sometime because I have so many things to attend to. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and to prove.

At least now I know it’s not mutual. At least now I know where I stand. It hurts but, at least, I know I am still capable of loving. That’s all that matters. Because, in the end, love is more about giving than it is about receiving.

Thank you for the offer of friendship but, like I said, that’s like adding insult to injury. We can’t be friends. Not now, at least. I would just misinterpret everything that you do just like the way I have misinterpreted everything that you did.

- Ako

Second part of the post:

Pansin mo yung makabagbag-damdaming post sa itaas? Kanina ko pa yan iniisip. Napag-usapan kasi namin ng isa kong kaibigan ang galit, relationships, love. Para sa’kin, everything boils down to respect. Respetuhin mo, rerespetuhin ka rin pabalik. Para din sa trabaho yan e. Reprimand in private but praise in public. At pag nag-reprimand ka, make sure na you do it in a nice way - Positive - Negative - Positive.

Unfortunately, not many people know what respect is all about. With respect comes sensitivity. Hinde ka pwedeng humirit ng humirit all the time. You have to be aware of how the other party would react.

Okay, for those who are in a relationship, plans to be in a relationship, cannot handle a relationship, or are plain lost when it comes to relationships:

1. If you can’t love someone, if you can’t return the feelings, stay away. Now is not the right time to offer friendship. Pwedeng iba ang maging interpretation sa actions mo.
2. Wag kang magbibitiw ng linyang “hinde ako ang nararapat para sa kanya”. Hinde mo alam kung ano pwedeng mangyari sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan o taon para sabihin yan. Besides, standard nya ang magma-matter, hinde standard mo. Wag mo syang pangunahan. Magpasalamat ka na lang na may nagkagusto sa’yo.
3. Wag mong kwestyunin kung bakit sya nagkagusto sa’yo. Pag nagmahal ka, hinde mo rin naman kayang ipaliwanag kung bakit mo minahal yung taong yun. Pag dumating yung time na kaya mo nang ipaliwanag, hinde na pagmamahal yan.
4. Kung mahal mo, mahal mo. Kung hinde mo mahal, just say so. Wag kang magi-in between na sagot. Nakamamatay ng neurons yun. Hinde rin naman siguro ganun ka-bobo yung kausap mo para hinde maintindihan ang pagkakaiba ng Oo sa Hinde. Wag playing safe kasi ikaw ang mawawalan.
5. Tandaan: Walang manlalandi kung walang magpapalandi. In short, hinde ka nyan mamahalin ng todo-todo kung hinde ka nagpakita ng motibo.

Kumplikadong topic ang pag-ibig. Kalinya sya ng religion at politics (although hinde kasing deadly). Pero yun ang isang bagay na kayang pag-usapan ng lahat ng tao. Lahat tayo ay may kakayahang magmahal…wag sayangin…dahil may mga taong ibibigay ang buhay nila para maranasan lang ulit ang magmahal at mahalin.

FALLING AND FOOLING LOVE

Ewan ko ba kung paano napasok sa usapan ang “tiwala” kaya napatagal ang pag-iinternet ko kagabi. Marahil ay napapanahon na upang bigyang-tuon ko ang salitang ito. Sa halos ilang taon na rin ang dami kong naging definition ng salitang pagtitiwala at pakikisama. Na ang pakikisama ay nakadepende sa level ng pagtitiwala ko sa isang tao.

Ayoko nang magtanong. Dahil ayokong mag-isip pa ang utak ko sa “gawa-gawang kwento” at “totoong nangyari.” Mapapatawad ko pa ang utak ko sa pagpayag na mag-isip ng kung ano-ano na maaaring iclassify na pagdududa pero ang puso hindi. Alam nito kung ang taong kausap ko ay hindi totoo, nakikisama lang o wala lang.

Hindi ko na nga halos alam kung ano ang salitang pagtitiwala. Sa dami ba naman ng taong sumira nito, may matino, umaaktong matino, engot, magaling na engot at mahusay na manipulator. Inihulma ko ang sarili kong gamitin ang sinasabi ni Debs na “filter”. Piliin lang ang gusto mong paniwalaan at ang natitira ay hayaan mo na lang sa isantabi.

Ang hindi ko rin lubos maisip ay kung paanong nagagawa ng mga taong ito ang makipagusap ng harapan habang sa likod ng kanilang mga isipan ay iba pala ang nais ipakahulugan. Maraming tuso ang nagkalat at nasa sa iyo na kung papabiktima ka ba sa mga ganitong klase ng tao.

Hindi kasi ako ganon. Added burden sa akin ang magsuot ng maskara sa pakikisama, sa pakikipagkaibigan at pakikitungo sa ibang tao. Kaya ganun din ang gusto ko… mas matatanggap ko pa nga ang pagsasabi ng lahat ng baho sa pagkatao kesa paniwalain mo ako sa “gawa-gawang pagkatao” lang.

May human instinct tayo eh. Maloloko mo ang ibang tao at maaaring isa ako dun… pero ituturo ako sa tamang dapat kong paniwalaan…

Applicable sa akin ung salitang…. “madaling magpatawad, pero mahirap sa akin ang makalimot…”

I have given you so much time to be “true”…. do I deserve to be fooled?

A True Maldita

Hindi ako mag e-endorse ng clothing line. Gusto ko lang i-define ano ba ang maldita. Sino nga ba ang CERTIFIED MALDITA? According to popular belief, ang mga maldita ay yung tipong napapanood natin sa teleserye - nananampal at nanabunot ng bidang babae. Sa totoong buhay, madalang ka lang maka encounter ng demonyita, hindi maldita yun. aswang na ang tawag sa mga napapanood mong antagonists sa paborito mong soap. eh ano nga ba talaga ang maldita?



1. Maldita ka, pag marunong kang magsalita at sumagot. Ang dami - daming matalino, maganda, may pinag-aralan, nasa mataas na kumpanya, may Masteral degree, mayaman pero pag nagsalita wala kang mapulot. Parang mga high school na ang range of topic lang na pwede silang maging aktibo ay tungkol sa lalaki at sa ‘close friends’ nila na hindi mo naman kilala sa earth. Maldita ka, pag kahit anong usapan — usapang kanto, usapang tambay, usapang propesyonal, usapang bakla, usapang pang-artist, usapang baluktot ay pwede kang sumabay. Hindi sarado mag-isip ang maldita. Hindi mo sila maririnigan ng ” eeeewwww, that’s yucky!”, ang arte!!! hahaha :)))

2. That points out to the next characteristic of a maldita. She doesn’t speak like a mongoloid. Magsasalita siya ng diretso. Walang arte. Walang pagpapanggap. Kung hindi siya bihasa sa english, eh di sa tagalog at kung gusto naman n’yang magsalita sa english eh hindi siya gumagaya ng mga two-year old kid na parang bulol na at may speech defect, maging ’sosyal’ lang sa tingin ng iba. You are not a maldita, if you try to speak in english & your grammar is unforgivable. That means, she isn’t Trying Hard to Impress Anyone. (example ung friend ko) and probably she really has a good head on her shoulders but she will not pass to be a maldita. why? she answers phone with a ” HEYOW” and not with a proper ‘HELLO’. Dear, if you are going to read this, Hello is spelled with an ‘L’ not with a ‘Y’. Nakakahiya, Speak well. :|

3. A maldita does not succumb to pain & hurt. Normal sa mundo ang masaktan at mahirapan at apihin ng mga hinayupak na mapang-api sa mundo. Pero, she doesn’t stop looking for her heart, I don’t say that malditas cannot be weak. But what is admirable in them, is that they admit their weaknesses, their pains & hurts. They don’t put a farce of stregth and joviality if they don’t feel happy. & they try to stand up, after every fall. They are not afraid to trudge a new road or get up and continue the journey. They just don’t move on, they become better — in the sense of strength, life views, character & relating with themselves & with others.

4. Maldita ka kapag marunong kang magsabi ng ‘tama na’. Maraming babae na kahit durog na durog na ang puso, dignidad at pagkatao ay sumisige pa rin. Sa kahit anong konteksto ng sitwasyon — relasyon, pamilya, trabaho at relihiyon. Hindi papayag ang isang maldita na maligaw ng panghabambuhay ang pagkatao at puso n’ya. Hindi n’ya hahayaan na hindi na n’ya kilala ang sarili n’ya pag gising n’ya isang araw dahil sa mga ginagalawan n’yang mga sitwasyon. Maraming pagkakataon na dumadaan ang isang tao sa sangang-daan at malaki ang posibilidad na maligaw at mawala ka — makalimutan ang tunay na kulay ng puso mo, pero kung hindi mo na ulit makikita ang sarili mo, talo ka. A maldita doesn’t let her boyfriend, her past, her parents, her family, her work, her achievements, her career, her position, her friends, her peers,&& her religion DEFINE her. She knows herself && she knows her heart.

5. & lastly. You are Maldita if you admit you are ONE. marami kasi, nagpapanggap pang goody-goody. Naman, bait-baitan ka d’yan, eh ang totoo naman maitim din ang budhi. There is nothing wrong & bad with being a maldita. As i have pointed out , wala namang masama sa pagiging maldita — Being maldita is actually a blessing if you know how to use it ( Parang powers lang). Walang masama sa pagiging maldita basta wag kang maging bitchesa to the thousandth power. Aminado ako, maldita ako. Lahat ng nagiging tunay kong kaibigan ay makaka attest na maldita ako. Totoo, dati i thought being maldita can be a drawback for me, but i have proven that my being maldita is being true to myself. That if i try to be the sweet-looking girl next-door, that is utterly kaplastikan. This is me. If you want me, take me, if not then, you can always take a step away and leave. I won’t rub in myself to you. This is a free world. You can always think and feel otherwise. :)