NOW I KNOW IT IS WORTH IT..

I tried so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and all of my close friends have felt it, except for me. I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn, after all I am only 20. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense, I convince myself that I'm only going to get hurt and what's the point? I wont end up marrying this person, or probably even dating them for that long so why risk hurting myself. I finally decided to take a risk and talk to this guy that I met briefly at the church. We immediately hit it off, and kept in close contact the two weeks. I was so thrilled and excited and ready to take a risk and let myself get hurt because I thought this time would be worth it and maybe I wouldn't get hurt for awhile or maybe not at all.

It was the BEST date, I'd ever been on, I felt comfortable with him and wasn't scared or nervous about what was going to happen. After the date I was flooded with so many emotions I had never felt before, I was nervous and excited in a good way and couldn't wait to see him again. However, after the date all contact between us was forced and it seemed like he was blowing me off. I was completely flabbergasted, how could he be blowing me off after we talked everyday for two weeks and had this incredible date? Am I young and naive in thinking it was more than it really was? I tried to keep in contact because I didn't want this one to get away, I had let him in unlike anyone else before and didn't want to let him go.


It's been a couple weeks, we have barely spoken and any communicating is contrived and strange. I have given up, if he doesn't want to speak to me why should I speak to him? Any courage that I gained from the beginning of this relationship I have lost completely. I can't help but think, how is this fair? I actually risked my feelings for this person and where was my reward? Finally I am the one who tried my hardest to make it work, and I end up the one alone. Any hope that I have left for love is almost gone. Friends keep telling me that one day I'll find someone. Some how I don't believe it. Not everyone falls in love, not everyone gets married, who is to say that it'll ever happen for me? I was once told that if I want it to happen for me it will. But how can it when I try so hard to make it happen and it still doesn't?

I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful because the idea of love is all that keeps me going, I'm holding onto the idea of love being bigger than anything in the whole world and that it will completely change my life. But at the same time the thought of it barely slipping out of my grasp hurts so badly. Love to me is like a double edged sword and I am constantly wondering if it is worth it.

Missing You

I miss his voice and the way he says “I love you, Baby ko!”.

I miss his embrace.

I miss his kiss and how it always felt like our first.

I miss the way he kiss me on my nose (aww).

I miss the way he holds my hand ever so tight.

I miss the way he looks into my eyes when we talk.

I miss the way he wipes my tears when I cry and says “Ohh? Baby.. tama na please..”

I miss our everyday dates.

I miss the way he says “Sorry na Baby..”

I miss our movie dates.

I miss the nights na magkatabi kami natutulog tapos pagkagising ko, wala na sya sa tabi ko kasi nagtatrabaho na sa likod pero kapag tinext ko na na gising na ko, nagtatakbo pa papunta sa kwarto tapos sasabihing, "Baby, tara na! kakain na tayo!"

I miss walking hand-in-hand with him, just strolling around.

I miss him doing the lip sync inside the car.

Miss ko na rin yung pagkain namin sa KFC na wala syang ginawa kundi bumili ng Mashed Potato kasi favorite ko yun.

Miss ko yung pagbitbit nya ng bag ko.

Namiss ko yung pagtakip nya sakin para di ako mainitan, yung pag alalay nya sakin pag tatawid sa daan. Yung pag akbay nya sakin pag naglalakad.

I miss the way he changes his voice everytime I answer the phone pretending he was somebody else. Kunwari sya si Daddy nya. "hello, anak?" Hahaha

I miss how he manages the make me feel so good whenever were together.

I miss the way he moves his lips and says “I love you” silently. Lalo na pag nakasakay na ko ng tricycle, or pag andyan yung mga relatives nya sa paligid.

Miss ko na yung pagbuhat nya sakin.. swear!

I miss the thought of being with him in the future.

Miss ko yung pag alam nyang galit ako dahil di sya kagad ngtext or nalowbat sya.. at tapos pagtinawagan ko, "Baby, sorry. Nalowbatt ako kasabay ng I love you, Asawa ko!"

miss kung paano sya naiinis din sakin pag di ako nagrereplyan at sasabihin nyang "San ka na Baby? ansaya naman ata dyan!"

Miss ko ung pag sama nya sakin sa supermarket, tapos ssbihin nya "Baby, ano gusto mo? Kahit ano kuha ka na dali!"

I miss our conversations and how we always end up having the same thought.

I miss his scent and how it lingers in my consciousness even if were not together anymore.

I miss our out-of-the-blue crazy trips.

Miss ko na yung pagdating ko sa kwarto nyang ubod ng gulo! Hahaha

I miss the feeling of excitement before each date. (SOBRAAAA!!! mis ko yan!)

I’ll miss the sight of him waiting for me dun sa may Chowking Crossing.

I miss his goodnights.

I miss the way he says “I miss you na baby ko!”

I miss calling him Halimaw! hahaha

I miss how he rubs his nose against mine and feeling that somehow everything will be fine.

I miss hugging him whenever he turns to me and says “Pa hug nga Baby!”

I miss worrying about him when he’s sick / and him vice versa

I miss the way he teases me pag hinahawakan nya bilbil ko. or minsan sasabihan ako ng "Pumapayat ang Baby ko ah!"

I miss the way he looks kapag galit talga sya.. at sasabihi nyang "Si Baby talaga walang diskarte sa buhay.." pero maya maya tatawa na. Hahaha

I miss the way he looks at me from afar and makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

I miss his composed and relax self whenever we fight.

namiss ko yung pagkagat nya sa likod ko tapos yung pagsuntok ko sa kanya na kinagagalit nya. Hahaha

I miss how we always end up happy and laughing after every fight.

I miss how he manages to make me laugh in my crying moments. Pangit kasi nya umiyak kapag sinabayan ako sa pag-iyak. Hahaha

I miss the feeling of being happy knowing the he’s just there loving me.

<3

BEHIND ALL THESE, I JUST WANT TO SAY, I MISS YOU, BABY! ;)